Seeds

I am NOT a natural evangelist.

I can testify on social media with the fiercest of them, but when it comes to sharing the gospel in person, you will see me visibly shaking in my boots.

Yesterday, I had the opportunity to tell someone about the ashes on my forehead.

As I walked the aisles of the grocery store for essentials after Ash Wednesday mass, I was approached by a male employee who had seen several people with the ash cross on their foreheads and didn't know what it meant.

So, I mustered up what courage I had and proceeded to tell him about the humble and penitential nature of the ashes, and the season of Lent that precedes Easter.

I then went on my way, contemplating if I could have said anything differently or additionally. Once I rounded the corner of the next aisle, I heard him casually talking to his coworkers about it.

While I'm fairly certain that had I expanded and tried to evangelize further it would've fallen on spiritually deaf ears, my hope is that a seed was planted.

He isn't likely to be converted by our meager little exchange, but if it spurs his curiosity, ignites a small spark, or gets his wheels turning, then I've done what we've been called to do.

Every opportunity we seize to teach or share the love of Christ with others has the potential to be the stuff of miracles in the hands of the Father. We can't force others to embrace faith, but we can always, always, ALWAYS plant the seed.

God can take the most humble of mustard seeds and turn into something abundantly and exceedingly more than we could ask or imagine. (Ephesians 3:20-21)

So I will move forward and pray for that man. Pray that my words would bear fruit. Pray that his curiosity and willingness to ask a simple question would lead to a lifetime of passionate pursuit of Christ.

"Keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in his holy people, and his incomparably great power for us who believe." - Ephesians 1:17-19

stones

I walked into my bible study today, frustrated and slightly embittered. Little mishaps had gotten to me, and my attitude definitely did not belong in church.  

After we opened with prayer and worship music, the first weekly speaker went through her dissection of John 7. 

Then came John 8.

John 8:1-11 reads:

1 but Jesus went to the Mount of Olives.

2 At dawn he appeared again in the temple courts, where all the people gathered around him, and he sat down to teach them. 3 The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group 4 and said to Jesus, “Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. 5 In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?” 6 They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him.

But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger.7 When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” 8 Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground.

9 At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there.10 Jesus straightened up and asked her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?”

11 “No one, sir,” she said.

“Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.”

When the speaker discussing John 8 came up, she shared this video with us.  It involves a would-be dialogue between Jesus and the adulteress.  

If you hate your sin, this video is for you.

If you hate what your sin did to Jesus, this is for you.

If you hate who you used to be, this is for you.

If you believe in Jesus and his death and resurrection, this is for you.

If you cling to hope because of Jesus, this is for you.

If you believe you're immune to sin and that by general standards, you're doing alright, we might need to talk.  But this is for you, too.

The truth is, so many of us carry our sin around with us daily.  We serve it like a prison sentence.  Or worse, we're too afraid of the ramifications to confess it.  Yes, we ought to hate our sin.  Despise it. LOATHE IT.  But to stuff our sin and shame into a backpack for us to shoulder is to say that Jesus' sacrifice wasn't enough.  That it was all in vain. That it doesn't hold enough power to clear your name. If I'm knocking on your door at all, I hate to tell you, but you have sorely underestimated the God that we serve.

Now, to be honest, the video I'm about to share with you may not affect you the way it did me.  Had I been alone at home, an ugly, ugly cry would have erupted.  As it was, I merely had to wipe away a couple of tears.  You've been warned - if you're a crier, grab a tissue.

home

Like the warmth of the sun after a particularly bitter winter.

Like the morning's first warm sip of coffee from your favorite mug.

Like your love's embrace after a lengthy absence.

That's how good it feels to be back.

For the longest time, I was uninspired to write, so I didn't.

But I realized that when I sit down to actually do it, the ideas usually come.

It's the sitting down to the unknown that's the problem.

For the longest time now, I've been at a fork in the road.

Which talent do I use to serve others?

Should I write the blog?

And because my background is in interior design, I've always wondered if I should go down THAT road.

And then there's graphic design.  While I'm not trained professionally in it, it's something that's incredibly fulfilling to me.

So what's a stay-at-home mom to do?

I finally realized that it doesn't have to be an all-or-nothing deal.

So I'm taking a new direction.

While most of my posts will be to point to Jesus, I want to share with you the other aspects of life that "spark joy."

Enter a lifestyle blog.

If even all my writing is in vain, it's an outlet I have found I'm a fool to neglect.

It's good to be back.

reckless abandon

Remember the trust exercise that was inevitable at camp during childhood? You'd turn your back to your partner, put your arms across your chest, close your eyes, and fall backward, trusting that your partner's arms would be there to catch you.  Interestingly, even the troublemakers in the group would follow through and support their partner's weight.  

Most unfortunately, adulthood isn't so simple.

There are situations outside of our control.  There are people around us whose behavior we cannot change.  Some trials in our lives will feel, and even be, insurmountable.  We have a limited ability to control and manipulate what goes on around us.

The first of the 12 Steps of Recovery reads: "We admitted we are powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable."

Getting right to the crux of it.  

Powerlessness.  We, as humans, are relatively powerless.  

When we confess to the Lord that we, indeed, are powerless, that's when he rolls up his sleeves and the real work begins.

Humbling ourselves before the Lord allows him to not only work in our circumstances, but allows him to work on our hearts in the process.  The Lord is far more concerned with the condition of our hearts than with our circumstances.  He knows that if we are not amenable to being shaped and molded, no real growth and change will come.  He allows things into our lives to ensure that we are wholly dependent upon him.  When we are humbled enough to accept that we can't go it alone, he's right there with us, ensuring we can stand up and face whatever lies ahead or whatever past monster lurks behind us.

When I picture what surrender to God looks like, I picture someone at the edge of a vast cliff, overlooking rough waters.  Without any concern for what lies below, they spread their arms wide, close their eyes, and allow themselves to free fall.  They trust that, upon landing, they will be safe and secure.

Surrender each worry, each fear, each past hurt, to the waters below.  Lighten your load until it's nothing but you, standing at the edge of the rock.

Give in, open your arms, and trust that the Lord is waiting to catch you.

judas

Jesus knew what was coming. 

He knew of the cup he'd have to drink. 

He knew his betrayer well.  He called him "friend." 

He walked with Judas.  He dined with Judas.  He went about business as usual in the company of Judas.

How could anyone but Jesus behave in such a way?  How did he not harbor bitterness and resentment toward Judas in his heart?

How do we forgive the unforgivable?  How do we release the rage or hurt that the betrayal has caused us?

It's simple, really.  Simple, but not easy.

We forgive because he calls us to do so.

Luke 17:3-4 says, "So watch yourselves.  If your brother or sister sins against you, rebuke them; and if they repent, forgive them.  Even if they sin against you seven times in a day and seven times come back to you saying, 'I repent,' you must forgive them."

Yikes.  It's difficult enough for us to forgive that one offense that happened over a year ago, but seven times in one day?!  Ain't nobody got time for that.

That's exactly what he wants us to do, though.  If we can't reflect the love and mercy and compassion of Christ to others by releasing an offense, how will we ever lead people to him?  If our faith looks just as vengeful and harbors resentment as the secular world does, what hope do we have in bringing others to Christ?  The mercy and love we extend is what separates us from those of the world, and what will eventually draw others to know and pursue him.

So if he expects us to do it, how do we go about it?

My first line of defense is to pray.

Lord, I don't have the power in me right now to forgive.

Humble me to see where I need to adjust my expectations, 

or where I could be at fault.

Fill me with your peace and help me to release the offense.

Fill me with the strength to forgive.

To be honest, sometimes that's all it takes for me.  He softens my heart and helps me to see things from a fresh perspective.  This is not always the case.  

When my hardness of heart prevents me from hearing his voice or recognizing his prompting, I fix my eyes on him.  He is bigger than anything we will ever face, "and we know that in all things, God works for those who love him, who are called according to his purpose." (Romans 8:28)  There is always purpose to be found in the pain.  We may not enjoy it, and we may writhe in discomfort or even agony, but trusting in this helps us to keep in perspective the bigger picture.  His plans > our plans.

It may not be immediate, and it may certainly not be easy, but leaning into him allows us to put one foot in front of the other in order to face the days, weeks, months, and possibly years ahead.

When you find it difficult to forgive an offense, look to the one who set the precedent.  Draw your strength from Jesus and ask him to help you carry your cross.

"Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, 

along with every form of malice.  

Be kind and compassionate to one another, 

forgiving each other, just as Christ God forgave you."  

- Ephesians 4:31-32

body armor

The enemy is breathing down our necks.

He's in the passenger seat when someone cuts you off, leading you to rattle off a slew of curse words.

He's in the midst of two friends exchanging gossip.

He's in bed with the person who decides sleeping in and having free time are more valuable than getting to church over the weekend.

He's beside the person looking at seductive content on the computer screen.

He's on the arm of the person caught up in an emotional affair.

He's even nearby when you choose to reach for the remote instead of your bible...again.

We, privy to this knowledge or not, are in the midst of constant battle.

We are being attacked from all sides.

He has studied us.  He knows our weaknesses.  He has mapped out our strategies.  He has a rock solid game plan to defeat us.

But 1 Corinthians 10:13 says, "No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind.  And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear.  But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it." (emphasis mine)  God is our commander-in-chief, and his methods for fighting the enemy are clearly laid out in his word.  Paul wrote in his letter to the people of Ephesis on this very topic:

"Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes.  For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.  Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.  Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace.  In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.  Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the spirit, which is the word of God." Ephesians 6:11-17 (emphasis mine)

We find a wealth of resources in Paul's letter about how the Lord equips us to fight the enemy.  There are seven pieces of armor that the Lord says are indispensable to us.

We must wear:

1. A belt of truth - to fight against Satan's lies and deceptions.
2. A breastplate of righteousness - to live in holiness and to give us a way out from the temptations we face.
3. Feet fitted with readiness - readiness to stand up for the gospel and to stand on guard to defend the way we live.

"But in your hearts revere Christ as Lord.  Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have.  But do this with gentleness and respect..." - 1 Peter 3:15

4. Readiness that comes from the gospel of peace - we will not be overwhelmed with fear or anxious thoughts.

5. A shield of faith - trusting that the Lord will provide; that you will be delivered from the hands of the enemy.
6. A helmet of salvation - Jesus has already won the war; we already have the victory in Christ and evil will not prevail.  It's a reminder that we have taken off our old self and put on the new.  We're not who we were yesterday and we will not be so easily consumed.
7. The sword of the spirit, the word of God - This is a knife in the heart of the enemy.  With immersion in scripture, we gain understanding, wisdom, and discernment.  We ultimately empower ourselves to fight on the front lines, the Lord beside us, with invigorating strength and confidence.

So when the enemy invades your camp, prepare yourself.

Put on the full armor of God - truth, righteousness, readiness, the gospel of peace, faith, salvation, and the word of God.

Then, "Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be courageous; be strong." - 1 Corinthians 16:13.

The Lord will deliver the enemy into your hands, and you will have the victory.

the case for Christ

In the fall right after I turned 20, I began to question.

I had just started a History of Architecture II class in my design program, and we were discussing ancient civilizations, their gods, and the monuments they built to honor them.  I began thinking, What makes our God real?  How do we know he's the true God if there are so many other belief systems in the world?

I began to question my faith for the first time.  I questioned the existence of God; the validity of Jesus and the gospel.  I was also overwhelmed by the permanence of death; the thought of eternity.

I began having panic attacks.

This lasted for a couple of months, day in and day out; no respite.  I had to try to navigate the tangled mess of what I thought I believed, what I had learned since birth, what the world tells us, and what I feared about eternity.  Every time I was bombarded with fear and panic, I tried to combat it with thoughts of, "You cannot control it.  There is nothing you can do about it."  This helped to an extent, and would start to calm the storm when nothing else had.

I then began to pray.  Desperately.  Calm my anxious thoughts.  Still my heart.  Grant me peace.  And GUESS WHAT--

Peace, he granted.  Never before have I felt the holy spirit so powerfully as I did when I cried out for solace.  A wave of calm would wash over me, and I could begin to sleep.  I could go about my daily activities with larger gaps between the bouts of fear.  I was soon introduced to the book "The Case for Christ" by Lee Strobel.  This was life-changing.  The intricacies of the gospel, its prophecies, and the strict adherence to their claims by the disciples, even into martyrdom, sealed my belief in our omniscient, omnipresent God and ceased the turmoil within me.

It's completely natural to question the existence of God or a theistic belief system.  A couple of weeks ago, our 10 year old daughter asked the very questions I never thought to ask until the age of 20.  My initial reaction was that of a bit of fear - I want to instill in our kids a love of and submission to God and was afraid of what her questioning might mean.  After the initial shock wore off, I began my response.

• I told her that in some of my darkest moments, when I was completely broken, hurting, or fearful, God would answer my cries for help with his peace, a peace that transcends any human understanding (Philippians 4:6-7).  
• I shared with her parts of what I had read in The Case for Christ.  Not ONE of Jesus' disciples rescinded his testimony, even to the extent of imprisonment, severe persecution, and death.  Why wouldn't they, unless they had truly witnessed and believed all that they professed to seeing?   
• I also shared with her a couple of other supernatural experiences that our family members have experienced, with no logical explanation.
• I also felt compelled to say this: "No one can make you believe anything.  You can choose not to believe it.  But Jesus has been more real to me than anything else in my life, and I know it in  my heart to be true."

She had tears in her eyes as I finished my defense, and I felt at peace with how I had responded.  I can't force our kids to love Jesus the way I do, nag them into submission, or manipulate them into leading a Godly life.

But I can live it.  

Day in and day out, every single hour.  I can lead by an example of love.  Of service and compassion.  Of complete submission to the gospel of Jesus Christ.  I can attempt, with all my heart, to live life with a gentle, humble spirit, being obedient to God.

I don't have all the facts.  I don't have a degree in theology, and I can't always back what I believe with statistics or science.  I have my testimony, though, and the power and spirit of God backing me, which can do immeasurably more than I can ever imagine (Ephesians 3:20).

I can pray for their hearts.  Pray for the holy spirit to dwell in them.  And pray for them to be a light to the gospel for others.  

Lord, let your light shine in me.  

Let others see you in me and be drawn to you and your presence, for your glory and not mine.  

Help me to be a reflection of your love, mercy, and compassion.

Help me to set a Godly example for my family.

Set their hearts after you and give them a thirst and a hunger for you and for righteousness.

In Jesus' precious name I pray, 

amen.