the case for Christ

In the fall right after I turned 20, I began to question.

I had just started a History of Architecture II class in my design program, and we were discussing ancient civilizations, their gods, and the monuments they built to honor them.  I began thinking, What makes our God real?  How do we know he's the true God if there are so many other belief systems in the world?

I began to question my faith for the first time.  I questioned the existence of God; the validity of Jesus and the gospel.  I was also overwhelmed by the permanence of death; the thought of eternity.

I began having panic attacks.

This lasted for a couple of months, day in and day out; no respite.  I had to try to navigate the tangled mess of what I thought I believed, what I had learned since birth, what the world tells us, and what I feared about eternity.  Every time I was bombarded with fear and panic, I tried to combat it with thoughts of, "You cannot control it.  There is nothing you can do about it."  This helped to an extent, and would start to calm the storm when nothing else had.

I then began to pray.  Desperately.  Calm my anxious thoughts.  Still my heart.  Grant me peace.  And GUESS WHAT--

Peace, he granted.  Never before have I felt the holy spirit so powerfully as I did when I cried out for solace.  A wave of calm would wash over me, and I could begin to sleep.  I could go about my daily activities with larger gaps between the bouts of fear.  I was soon introduced to the book "The Case for Christ" by Lee Strobel.  This was life-changing.  The intricacies of the gospel, its prophecies, and the strict adherence to their claims by the disciples, even into martyrdom, sealed my belief in our omniscient, omnipresent God and ceased the turmoil within me.

It's completely natural to question the existence of God or a theistic belief system.  A couple of weeks ago, our 10 year old daughter asked the very questions I never thought to ask until the age of 20.  My initial reaction was that of a bit of fear - I want to instill in our kids a love of and submission to God and was afraid of what her questioning might mean.  After the initial shock wore off, I began my response.

• I told her that in some of my darkest moments, when I was completely broken, hurting, or fearful, God would answer my cries for help with his peace, a peace that transcends any human understanding (Philippians 4:6-7).  
• I shared with her parts of what I had read in The Case for Christ.  Not ONE of Jesus' disciples rescinded his testimony, even to the extent of imprisonment, severe persecution, and death.  Why wouldn't they, unless they had truly witnessed and believed all that they professed to seeing?   
• I also shared with her a couple of other supernatural experiences that our family members have experienced, with no logical explanation.
• I also felt compelled to say this: "No one can make you believe anything.  You can choose not to believe it.  But Jesus has been more real to me than anything else in my life, and I know it in  my heart to be true."

She had tears in her eyes as I finished my defense, and I felt at peace with how I had responded.  I can't force our kids to love Jesus the way I do, nag them into submission, or manipulate them into leading a Godly life.

But I can live it.  

Day in and day out, every single hour.  I can lead by an example of love.  Of service and compassion.  Of complete submission to the gospel of Jesus Christ.  I can attempt, with all my heart, to live life with a gentle, humble spirit, being obedient to God.

I don't have all the facts.  I don't have a degree in theology, and I can't always back what I believe with statistics or science.  I have my testimony, though, and the power and spirit of God backing me, which can do immeasurably more than I can ever imagine (Ephesians 3:20).

I can pray for their hearts.  Pray for the holy spirit to dwell in them.  And pray for them to be a light to the gospel for others.  

Lord, let your light shine in me.  

Let others see you in me and be drawn to you and your presence, for your glory and not mine.  

Help me to be a reflection of your love, mercy, and compassion.

Help me to set a Godly example for my family.

Set their hearts after you and give them a thirst and a hunger for you and for righteousness.

In Jesus' precious name I pray, 

amen.